Wondering the labor demands of high school football: Tim Warsinskey's Take

Reprinted from The Plain Dealer, August 2, 2011
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- A victory for one is a victory for all.

Now that the NFL work stoppage is over for a measly 2,000 pro football players, the time has come to organize America's real fighting footballers, our 1.1 million high school gridiron heroes.

Allow me to introduce myself as the grand poobah of what I shall call the National Friday Night Lights Players Association, or NFNLPA. Look for the union label.

Listen up. We have certain demands.

You may have noticed the NFL owners' primary negotiating tactic was to lock out players and threaten their paychecks. Have you also noticed that, in high school, our players are locked out if they don't pay the owners, i.e., the school board, pay-to-participate fees?

What's wrong with that picture? From now on, football is free.

The boss needs you. You don't need him.

The NFL's new labor agreement bans two-a-day football practices, which high school coaches expect to begin next week.

Think that's a good idea? Think again, Ted Ginn.

And what's with outdoor workouts in the weather? It's been 90-odd degrees all summer. As our NFL brethren have demonstrated, it is improper to rehearse the art of football outdoors if there's a threat of rain, snow or double rainbows. Every football team should have a place to perfect themselves indoors, closer to the players lounge and cafeteria. Geneva and Massillon have indoor fields, why not Garfield and Midpark?

Not to go all Upton Sinclair on you, but these conditions make The Jungle look like Dante's Paradiso.

We're all in this together.

The NFL players and owners agreed to keep their season at 16 games in part because there aren't enough quarterbacks to get the Browns through 18 games. Last year, state finalists St. Edward, Maple Heights, Buchtel and Chagrin Falls played 15 games and averaged 13.5 wins while attending school full-time. The Browns won five games with no apparent other responsibilities.

Either the Browns should do our players' homework, or our players should get Tuesdays off from school.

Which side are you on, boys?

How many schools have 50-50 raffles that benefit the marching band? The band? Seriously? The band plays the Doobie Brothers for 10 minutes dressed like palace guards and they get to take up a collection? And there are our heroic linemen and linebackers fighting for leftover concession-stand pizza after the game.

The NFNLPA demands every cent of the 75-25 (no more 50-50), go to the players postgame spread from Morton's Steakhouse.

No Porterhouse, no peace!

The NFL and players union negotiated a 50-50 split of a $9 billion revenue pie. The OHSAA has an annual budget of about $12 million. Know what its largest source of revenue is? Football. The playoffs alone generate about $4 million annually, to say nothing of television revenues.

And they expect our boys to go to work in a yellow school bus? Do you think OHSAA Commissioner Dan Ross rides a bus?

Labor creates all wealth.

Finally, the NFL contract locks up rookies for four years. That, of course, is unrealistic for our boys who have just four years of high school to maximize their worth. We're going to leverage Boss Ross for free agency after two years. Just imagine the bidding wars between Eds and Iggy, or Maple and The Ville.

Solidarity forever!